I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
