What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
