Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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