i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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