Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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