Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
