We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
