There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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