Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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