Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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