Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
