def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
