i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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