I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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