I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
