Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
