I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
