at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
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