Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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