what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
