Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
