So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
It's official drugs can't kill me
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
