idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize