Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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