I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
