i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
