If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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