Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Who died my cat blue again?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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