The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
