i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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