I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
