Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
