2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
