I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
