He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
