yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
