we're blogging at a bar
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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