i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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