I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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