marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
