We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
