my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
