I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
