How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
