No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize