I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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