The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
