I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
