this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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