Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize