I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
