some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
