People in love make me want to vomit
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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