Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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