It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
vagina is talking i cant
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
