he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
