i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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