So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
