Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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