i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
