Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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