She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm just crazy horny about you
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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