I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
