dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
