I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize